The real magic of cleaning house

Years ago, I was at a family reunion in the Midwest, surrounded by my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. We were at a family lake house, and half the crew was out on the lake, waterskiing and the rest of us were indoors, preparing for dinner. 


I can’t remember exactly what happened, but I do remember when the news reached the kitchen: One of my relatives had fallen, and needed to go to the hospital. 


After the rush to get him off the boat and en route to the ER, silence settled over the kitchen. I looked around and realized I was surrounded by the women in my family.


No one was talking. Everyone was cleaning.


It hit me: This is what we do. This is what we’ve always done. When chaos reigns and there’s nothing left to fix, the women in my family busy our hands and clean up the mess.


Despite the worry, I smiled. Somehow, I realized that  by cleaning the external mess, our collective mental (internal) mess seemed to ease as well.

As humans, we inherit coping mechanisms from our families. I count my lucky stars for mine — a family that’s always been a source of love and support. My mom’s side gathered for nearly every Thanksgiving + Christmas holiday while I was growing up. (Complete with matching embroidered sweatshirts, Tervis Tumblers and baseball caps!). Even though we see each other less now, that familial bond still hums beneath the surface.


As I get older, I see how much they shaped me: I’m competitive with board games, I show love through food, and a full day on the lake is my idea of bliss. And though I spent decades indifferent to hand-washing dishes, I’ve finally come to understand why the women in my family love to clean — it’s a way to move energy, to make space for what’s next.


This past weekend, when a bit of chaos hit our world, I felt heavy and slow. I couldn’t motivate myself to do much of anything... until I spontaneously remembered the Magic of Cleaning.


I marched up to our guest cabins, stripped the sheets, sorted the laundry, and remade every single bed. I knew exactly what I was doing: This is what we do.

​
And it worked. Hours later, as I walked back to our house from the cabins, I felt lighter! The chaos of earlier hadn’t vanished — but I’d cleared enough space within to see the situation differently.
​

For moments like this, I’m so grateful to remember the ancestral wisdom that lives in my bones.