Confessions of a Gold-Star Meditator

I reluctantly arrived on my meditation cushion Monday night.

It was late. Sleep was beckoning me (loudly), but I was committed to logging my meditation before drifting off. I’d gotten so deeply entrenched in watching the sci-fi thriller, “Dune”, that I’d lost all track of time.


I swiped open my Insight Timer app for what would be my 85th consecutive day meditating. Not quite my all-time record of 154 consecutive days... but I was well on my way there.


A pop-up message interrupted my flow. “Did you meditate yesterday?” it asked.


Yesterday? I thought. Of course I meditated yesterday. And now I’m meditating today. There must be a mista-

I looked at the time: 12:42am. “Yesterday” had completely passed me by.

My brain instinctively went into troubleshoot mode. Technically, it was still the day before sleep. So I rationalized that if I meditated now, and then logged the meditation to the yesterday’s date, it would still count because I’d meditate again in the morning.


Just as I was about to click YES, I stopped myself.


This was the same scenario I’d been in years ago during my 154-day streak. (And consequently why I had to take a break from earning gold stars for meditation.) It starts by rationalizing one “missed” day for a “timing issue.” Then another. Before long, my meditation practice becomes a game to conquer versus a morning spiritual practice.


My deep desire for gold stars got me again.
​

Chuckling at the ridiculousness of it, I clicked “NO” on the pop-up and crawled into bed. My cushion would be there for me in the morning. I did not regret watching “Dune”. I would simply begin again — and so I did.

If you’re anything like me, you know that the spiritual path goes in waves… and it’s deeply personal, by design. My practice held up a mirror for me in that moment of indecision — a mirror I’ve seen before.


There are no gold stars or achievement certificates on the spiritual path. There isn’t even an end goal or destination. It’s a never-ending road of ups and downs and lessons, and we are the solo hiker, making our way as best we can.


I think this concept can get a little murky when we’re balancing learning yoga, living yoga, and offering yoga into the world. So how do we hold all three?


Tune in tomorrow for the next part of the story...

In light,
​Mollie