My twenties were a pretty defining decade: graduating college, nabbing (and helping create) my magazine dream job, falling in love, dealing with loss, traveling to 5 continents, starting a nonprofit, re-learning to ski, starting two businesses, owning my first dog, supporting family members with serious health issues, building two of our own houses with my partner in crime, learning how to run cars on waste vegetable oil, and raising chickens, to name a few. Through 99% of those years, I feel like I was fumbling through — albeit successfully — never really knowing who I was and feeling completely confident with that. Don’t get me wrong—I wanted to be confident with myself, my body, my decisions and my life (and I’d created something pretty special for myself, with a husband who loves me) but there was always a concern about what other people thought. What other people could see, and what other people could judge. Never let them see you sweat.
This came to such a head this summer while Sean and I were building our tiny house that it finally (only two weeks ago) dawned on me that my problem was not necessarily confidence issues… but rather, my ability to accept things — and myself — as they are. For real. My willingness to really feel emotions, accept them as they are, and then let them go. (All the things I talk about when I teach yoga!)
Growing up in the midwest, I was always told “everything’s fine,” or “it will all be OK,” — you just pulled up your bootstraps and did what needed to be done… which is a great way to grow up (God bless my amazing parents). But somewhere along the way, I needed to learn for myself that sometimes, EVERYTHING IS NOT FINE, DAMNIT.
And that’s perfectly OK.
And that doesn’t mean any one person has it harder, or better than any other person and should just shut their mouth and not feel their own pain because honestly? No one talks about the hard stuff. No one knows what anyone else is really going through. No one posts Instagram photos of the arguments, the screenshot of your bank account down to pennies, of your family members’ diagnosis day… or when your dog decides to have diarrhea in the shape of the Hawaiian Islands on your carpet. (That last one may or may not be a bit fresh in my memory.)
This act — this ability to internalize life, analyze/feel/be vulnerable in all its glory with the ones you trust and love, and then decide to move forward in a way that serves you… THAT. IS. YOGA. I feel that through yoga, I’ve been given this incredible tool for my body, mind and spirit that will allow me to ascend any mountain, solve any problem, and muddle through any strange situation that’s thrown at me. Sure, there will be bumps… and sometimes diarrhea. But you know what? That’s what life is all about. And now that I’m 30? I think I finally understand how that works.
And to really kick off my fourth decade on Earth, I’m so excited about our 200 hour training coming up in just TWO WEEKS. Whether yogis are wanting to teach, or just wanting to deepen an understanding of the physical, emotional and spiritual parts of yoga, this training is going to be an incredible experience.
And now I’m speaking to you. Yes, YOU. If you’ve been questioning your worthiness for an opportunity like this (like I did, in my twenties), I’m here to tell you that as a 30-year-old, I’m not losing any sleep or time on decisions that can be positively life changing. I’m going with my gut — using my brain to assist, of course — and pursuing the things in life that feel good. And this training? Ohhhhh, its good. (Click here to just get on with it and register already!) If you need to talk it through and hear someone tell you how amazing you are, text me. Call me. Literally, here is my personal cell phone number you guys: (406) 314-8667. This is the real deal. I’ve got your back on this one.
Sending lots of love to you all this weekend. Enjoy the changing of the season. Enjoy your friends and family — hold them dear. And I am (after a looooong hiatus from the studio) looking forward to seeing so many of you on your mat next week.